Over 80% say "I fear disappointing my parents and coaches."
A staggering 8 out of 10 athletes resonate with that statement deeply.
Here is why: The predominant question that YOU ask reveals to your kids what you value most...
THAT is painfully powerful...
Let me unpack this because this one thought will dissolve your child's fear. It will rid your child or player from the fear disappointing you.
Do not discount this-- it is costing him or her TWO huge things:
1. Joy and passion
2. Performance and confidence
What is the question that you ask first and most frequently?
Do you ask the question "How did you do?" ---> this reveals to them that their performance matters most to you
"But Andrew, what I REALLY want most is to see Johnny give his best effort!"
If that is really true and you want Johnny to believe it, what should your question be?
"Did you give your best effort today?"
Your questions reveal your values.
"But coach Andrew I genuinely just want to see them HAPPY and having FUN!!!"
If that is really the case, shouldn't your first and primary question be, "Are you happy? Did you have fun?"
Simplistic does not mean easy.
Damage has been done and your students flat out fear disappointing you. To reverse this, you are going to have to:
1. Get SUPER SUPER aware of your questions and choose new ones
2. Practice and rehearse your new questions in front of a mirror (seriously)
3. Apologize to your child that you've been confusing the snot out of them for the past "x" years and clarify your values
As a result of your efforts, we will have more kids who do better on tests, better on the field, achieve more, and are not stressed out and nervous up to their necks during the journey!
Healthy, high-performers is a possible, powerful duality.
Serving you and your students,
Coach Andrew Simpson